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Ada yang tertinggal
Setelah terbenam mentari
Ada yang tertinggal
Setelah kering air di kali

Alam telah menyakinkan
Kau mesti pergi
Kau mesti
Alam telah menyakinkan
Kau mesti kembali
Bagai yang telah dijanjikan Illahi

Ada yang tertinggal
Setelah musnah semua mimpi
Kekal selamanya
Cintaku dengan cahaya mu
Kekal selamanya
Tetap dalam ingatanku

Lemas dalam rindu
Tenggelam dalam tangisan
Engkau telah pergi
Tapi masih ada...
Yang kau tinggalkan dalam kalbuku
Yang tinggal...
Aku......

This song is called 'Mentari Merah Di Ufuk Timur' by Search... The reason I put this lyrics here is not 'cuz I'm a rocker...well, I am...but dats not the reason for me doin' it...

Look at the lyrics and understand it well... In general it is sayin' dat, one day...we will come to a day where we all are gonna meet our maker... We juz don't know when...

When I got the news dat my Grandma has passed away, I requested an early leave from my Team Leader...well not 'dat' early cuz my shift was gonna end in 'bout 15 minutes... I've already informed her the condition of my grandma earlier dat day, so she was kind enuff to let me leave the office. She did asked me whether I wanted to go, earlier than dat but at that time I just spoke to my cousin and he told me dat our grandma was slightly than 'bout 4 hour before dat...so I said to my Team Leader dat I wanna juz continue my shift.

I arrived at my grandma's house 'bout 5 pm, later dat day. I was drivin' like a crack on the highway. I never got below 100km/h... The last time I checked the speedometer, I was doin' 140km/h...

When I arrived, she was lying motionless in the middle of the house... I sat down next to her and recited the 'Yassin'. Later, I got to know she passed away sumwhere 'round 1.30 pm and my dad and my mum was one of the few people dat has been right next to her when she exhaled her last breath...

Dat night, I was the one who was sleeping right next to her. I was sleeping on her left. Nobody dared to say anythin' to me... And throughout the night, my aunts and my uncle was reciting the 'Yassin' for my late grandma. By lying next to her dat night, and listening to them reciting the 'Yassin', I know how it felt to be 'dead'...

She was buried the next day, on the 9th of July 2008. All of my cousins carried her to the bathing place and back...and all of them was crying. I didn't...not a single tear came out... It's kinda frustrating when you are not able to cry... The last time I cried was in 1994 when my other grandma passed away...I've lost the ability to cry since then... After dat, we all carried her body to the mosque for the prayers and followed her to the cemetary... All of this happenned without me shedding a single drop of tear... Even my dad was crying... Well... I cried on the inside...I think...

The last thing I said to her was... "I'm gonna see you again, one day..." and "Send my regards to all, everybody there..."

Life must go on...even if it is one of hardest things to do...

Al-Fatihah untuk Allahyarhamah Bibi Sabariah binti Mohamed Mohaidin...

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me,
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest...

SeRIeS of UNFORTUNATe eVeNTS

I lie awake on a long dark night...can't seem to tame my mind. Slings and arrows are killing me inside, maybe I can't accept the life dats mine. The sun shines and I can't avoid the light...I think I'm holding on to life too tight... Ashes to ashes and dust to dust... Sometimes I feel like giving up.

Me...I'm rusted and weathered...barely holding together and I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal. Wake in a sweat again...another day's been laid to waste in my disgrace. Stuck in my head again...feels like I'll never leave this place... There's no escape.

I'm my own worst enemy... I don't know what to take. Thought I was focused but I'm scared...I'm not prepared. I hyperventalate...looking for help somehow somewhere... And no one cares...

I've given up...I'm sick of feeling... Is there nothing you can say? Take this all away, I'msuffocating!!! Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me!

I can't scream to let it out...

Hmmm... Let me see...I was disappointed, my grandma is very...very sick and I'm 'bout to lose my job in a couple of months... Nice, huh? I juz got a sms from my cousin sayin' dat my grandma is critical...

'bout a week ago, I smashed my door with my bare fists. Nearly fractured my hands but, hey...I'm so used to it...

Believe it or not, I wrote those things up there nearly a weeks ago... Well, 5 days ago to be exact...

And, today is the 12th of July 2008... On the 6th of July, it was MiYaKe's engagement day. I was not able to go 'cuz I need to see my grandma...she was very sick. To tell the truth, I was happy and frustrated a the same time. Happy 'cuz MiYaKe is engaged with with someone she loved and frustrated 'cuz it wasn't Me... Happy 'cuz I got to see my grandma again but frustrated for the state dat she is in...not well at all...

'bout a few days before dat, I learned dat the project in which I'm working for rite now is gonna be shut down. Its juz a business decision. And I got 'bout a month left here... Hmmm...juz when I thought dat I would be stable enuff to do the things dat I need to do...

But then again...dats life. You fall down somewhere in between and you just have to pick yourself up and start again...

Just when I thought dat it couldn't get any worst, I got an sms tellin' me dat my granda has passed away...