Sumtimes I feel like its hard being Me. "Why?" you might ask... Well, walkin' on the very thin line between everythin' dat is good and bad will make you lose most of the things dat you have in your life.
Then, people might ask 'How would you lose the things you said you lost?'... Hmmmm...how should I put this... By walkin' that thin line, you have to be on one side...which is your own. You need to be neutral and diplomatic at all times regardless the reason or circumstances. And by doin' dat, most of the people out there would think that you are useless and selfish. Some of them might even dare to say that you are just plain stupid.
To me...anybody who say things like dat to me, I would consider them as sumbody who doesn't really know me. They don't know why I do the things I do... The reason I do wut I do I cuz I think 'bout people more than I think 'bout myself. Some of the people who really knows me would tell me that - that would be good thing to do...dependin' on the circumstances. It's not always good to keep doin' dat cuz it will hurt me in a way dat I could suffer greatly.
See, people who know me could always give me pros and cons of the situation dat I'm in. They understand me well enuff trust me and my judgement... Dat is also one of the reason for me to only have a small group of frenz at any moment given. And for the past couple of years, some of them have remained in the same circle.
Diplomatic and neutrality is 2 of the ways dat I always use in most of the situations. And again, this dun go really well with others. I can't blame them for dat... The way I look at it is kinda like this...lets take the animal as an example, shall we... The animals born in the wild is more cautious to approach a human being rather than the animals bred in captivity where they have been interacting with human being most of their lives. The same applies to people. It takes time for them to look at the world the way I do. I can't be biased and choose to like one more than the other. The best way is to step back a lil' bit and take a look at the big picture.
And most of the time, due to my neutrality...I would just fuck people off. I dun give a shit if you are my frenz or not. If you made a mistake, be a man and have the balls to admit it. The same applies for girls/women... Regardless whether you are my frenz or not, if you are wrong, you're wrong. I won't back your ass up juz cuz you're a fren, ok...
Plain 'n' Simple...
Approaching the situation wit patience and relying on rationality rather than emotions could make a big difference on the outcome of things... Same goes for thinking outside the box and being a positive thinker...unlike some people... Doin' all of this over the years have made me realize who to trust and which of them is my real true frenz... Throw me in a battle, there's nobody else dat I rather want to be with other than ZuL, ChaCk and RiZaL. All of them is like the big brothers dat I never had... And it's not easy to to earn my trust, honor and respect unless you really deserve it... They've put their lives on the line for me, and I'll do the same for them at any given moment.
A toast to 'THe DRAGONHeARTs'...
DiPLoMaCy 'n' NeUTRALiTy -vs- HyPoCrISy 'n' IdIoCrAsY
InStInCt @ WeRK?!?! MaYBe...
Hey, guess wut... I got the job. Wait...I think I've said dat before. Ah, wut the hell...I'll say it again... I got the FReAKIN' job!!! I'm quittin' soon. I dun FuCk care anymore. It's time for me to grab life by the balls!!!
After almost a year with my long hair, I've finally cut it about a week ago. Dat was only cuz I need to go to the interview. If it wasn't for dat...I won't cut it for at least another 6 months. Hehehe... Most of my frenz were shocked and laughed. Well some of 'em said that it looks better than it was before. A lil' bit matured look for me. Hey, wutever guys... Its 'bout time anyway......
Went for a 'makan-makan' wit my frenz this past week. They took me to some seafood/steamboat restaurant in Sunway. Well, I dun really eat or like seafood anyway, but hey... its ok. I enjoyed it but ZuLee was annoyed when I only ate a lil' portion of the foods... Hehehe...too bad... I dun know how to eat 'em...sorry. Yeah, ok... I know people always said dat juz open up your mouth and swallow it down... It's not as easy as it looks, ok...Then, we all went to 'Downtown'... There was a couple of guys playing guitars, entertainin' the people. Damn, they're good. Made my hands itchin' to jam again... I need my guitar...badly......
HaNiE is currently down with a fever. I text'd her last night. She then told me 'bout it. No wonder I can't get my mind off her this past few days... Hmmm...its the crazy DeADMAN instinct at work, again. Mizz her... The last time dat I met her was about 7-8 months ago... If she's well enuff, I might ask her out later this week... Dat would also depends on whether she's gonna sleep all day long like she always do. Hehehe...
Should have told you by now
But I can't find the words
If I could show you somehow
But I don't have the nerve
You don't see me looking at you
How can love be so blind
Somehow you dont notice me
Sooner or later there will come a time
If you need somebody
The way that I need you
If you needed somebody
The way that I want you
If I could hold you tonight
It would last me forever
But the times never right
When will we be together
If I could make you understand
What youre doing to me
Maybe there wil come a time
Sooner or later I will make you see
Oh, If I could tell you now
The way you make me feel
Oh, If I could show you somehow
Don't you know my love is so real
If you need somebody
The way that I need you
If you needed somebody
The way that I want you
The lyrics from Bad Company's If You Needed Somebody. 80's rock ballads, one of the best. One of the songs the guys performed at 'Downtown'. We all watched in amazement, not moving an inch...
This song reflects on our life...one way or another... I know dat it reflects mine...
DReAMIN' n CHaSiN' iT tO LIVe iT...
I saw her again in my dream last 2 nights. Her hair's different. As if she highlighted it... Looks nice on her... Normally people would say dat, if you were to meet a person which you really wanna see in your dreams...it means dat they are missin' you too...or at least they would be thinkin' 'bout you too. Hmmm...could it be? I dun forget people...but people would forget me...easily.
A lot of things happened in this past week. I got my pay, settled all my debts, got an offer for a job from my frenz and the usual 'lack of sleep' thingy. My sis is lookin' for a job now...I told her to go to my previous office. She's gonna learn a lot of new things there, but I told her not to ever mention me. Not to even write my name in the application form. I have my own reason for doin' so...
I received a call from my dad last night. He was literally screamin' at my ears for my decision to quit my current job and look for another one. Well...actually I already have another job waitin' for me...and I've accepted their offer. Unknown to others, I've sent the resignation letter and from the looks of it...I know dat I have abso-fuckin'-lutely no freakin' mood to come to work anymore. Hey, workin' odd hour shift for the past couple of years is not doin' me any good, ok...
The last person you would expect to slam me right in the face on the decision I've made would be my Dad...but......he would be the first to do so. I really can't understand on why he has no faith in wut I do or on the decision I make. Even outsiders have more faith in me than my Dad. And I juz can't understand why is it so hard for people to listen and believe wut I told them...
I was tryin' very hard to maintain my composure when I got the call from my Dad. I was hopin' he would say that if I think wut I'm doin' is right, go for it...but hey, we can only hope... And I'm not afraid to say dat it's hope dat made me keep movin' on wit my life and to chase and live my dreamz...
I did sumthin' I haven't done for quite a while... Up to today, only a handful of people has seen me... So, I would expect them to be surprised to see me later.
But, anyway... dat's all for now. I wanna go and heal my wound...so I can live and fight for another day.
I haven't failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. But I believe in KaRmA......
How could he know
This new dawn's light
Would change his life forever?
Set sail to sea
But pulled off course
By the light of golden treasure
Was he the one causing pain
With his careless dreaming?
Been afraid
Always afraid
Of the things he's feeling
He could just be gone
He would just sail on
He'll just sail on
How can I be lost,
If I've got nowhere to go?
Search for seas of gold
How come it's got so cold?
How can I be lost?
In remembrance I relive
And how can I blame you
When it's me I can't forgive?
These days drift on
Inside a fog
It's thick and suffocating
His sinking life
Outside it's hell
Inside, intoxication
He's run aground
Like his life
Water much too shallow
Slipping fast
Down with his ship
Fading in the shadows
Now a castaway
They've all gone away
They've gone away
Forgive me
Forgive me not
Forgive me
Forgive me not
Forgive me
Forgive me not
Forgive me
Forgive me
Why can't I forgive me?
UnfOrGiVeN III
THe ReTURN...
After a long hiatus, THe DeADMAN is back......
A lot of things happened since the last time I updated this blog. The fasting month of Ramadhan went by...then Syawal... Gettin' a new job with lesser pay...learning who is your real reliable frenz...at a brink of getting a new car but has to be cancelled at the 11th hour, etc......
Let's start wit the new job... I started at the new place on the very 1st day of Ramadhan. Quite near to the place that I'm stayin' now and no deadline stress. Perfect, huh? Well, not really. I got a lesser pay than the last job dat I had. Dat's pretty much the only downside for it, anyway. Other than that...I'm satisfied wit it.....
Then there was Syawal... Well, having my car window smashed and my car was broken into with me losing 2 of my treasured Transformers action figures (that's worth 90 bucks each!!!) just killed my Hari Raya mood. Especially when it happened on the 2nd last day of Ramadhan... Even with the lack of the window on the driver's side, I still manage to drive and have fun by going to see ZuL in Kajang wit ChAcK that night. We literally laughed all the way there and the fact dat the car has been broken into dun really affect the plan dat night. That shows how laidback I can be...
Once I repaired the window (well, changed it wit a brand new one) it seems dat I've ran out of money to spend for the Hari Raya and I did wut a normal man would do. Donned the same Baju Melayu dat I've used for the passed 5 years and proceed to go to the Hari Raya prayers... Later dat day, I went to my auntie's house wearin' a Dark Knight shirt wit a 'Why So Serious?' tagline written on it... Hehehe...
Hmmm...Have you ever experience the feeling of being betrayed or lied to by others? I'm sure it sucks...big time. At the same time, you feel like doing sumthin' bad to the person who did it to you...rite? I've felt dat before one too many times before...but I've learned to control and hide it underneath my smile and actin' stupid. It worked up to a point dat people completely let their guard down and dat is when I strike them. Actually I'm doin' it rite now. Actin' stupid and see how far they would go. To those people...I juz got one thing to say... PAYBACK'S A BITCH!!!
This past month, I've been thinkin' 'bout sumbody dat I haven't seen for a very long time... I've told ZuL n ChAcK 'bout it before and it seems dat they want me to try to look for dat person and try to start over again wit her. Hmmm, dat suggestion didn't go well wit some of the people dat I know who wanted me to keep movin' on wit my life. I am movin' on wit my life, but before everythin' comes to a full circle, there are sumthin' dat I need to finish first... Frankly I dun know wut ZuL n ChAcK is plannin' (if they are, anyway) but knowin' them...it could only be for the best interest of me... Who knows, maybe one fine day...I would 'accidentally' bumped into her sumwhere... GOD works in mysterious ways and sumtimes it comes through as the assistance of your 'brothers in arms'...
Dat should be enuff for now...
p/s. I need to get myself a guitar and start playin' again...
n thanks to ZULee n LiN who keep buggin' me to start writin' here again...
THANKS FOR THe MeMORIeS
Ada yang tertinggal
Setelah terbenam mentari
Ada yang tertinggal
Setelah kering air di kali
Alam telah menyakinkan
Kau mesti pergi
Kau mesti
Alam telah menyakinkan
Kau mesti kembali
Bagai yang telah dijanjikan Illahi
Ada yang tertinggal
Setelah musnah semua mimpi
Kekal selamanya
Cintaku dengan cahaya mu
Kekal selamanya
Tetap dalam ingatanku
Lemas dalam rindu
Tenggelam dalam tangisan
Engkau telah pergi
Tapi masih ada...
Yang kau tinggalkan dalam kalbuku
Yang tinggal...
Aku......
This song is called 'Mentari Merah Di Ufuk Timur' by Search... The reason I put this lyrics here is not 'cuz I'm a rocker...well, I am...but dats not the reason for me doin' it...
Look at the lyrics and understand it well... In general it is sayin' dat, one day...we will come to a day where we all are gonna meet our maker... We juz don't know when...
When I got the news dat my Grandma has passed away, I requested an early leave from my Team Leader...well not 'dat' early cuz my shift was gonna end in 'bout 15 minutes... I've already informed her the condition of my grandma earlier dat day, so she was kind enuff to let me leave the office. She did asked me whether I wanted to go, earlier than dat but at that time I just spoke to my cousin and he told me dat our grandma was slightly than 'bout 4 hour before dat...so I said to my Team Leader dat I wanna juz continue my shift.
I arrived at my grandma's house 'bout 5 pm, later dat day. I was drivin' like a crack on the highway. I never got below 100km/h... The last time I checked the speedometer, I was doin' 140km/h...
When I arrived, she was lying motionless in the middle of the house... I sat down next to her and recited the 'Yassin'. Later, I got to know she passed away sumwhere 'round 1.30 pm and my dad and my mum was one of the few people dat has been right next to her when she exhaled her last breath...
Dat night, I was the one who was sleeping right next to her. I was sleeping on her left. Nobody dared to say anythin' to me... And throughout the night, my aunts and my uncle was reciting the 'Yassin' for my late grandma. By lying next to her dat night, and listening to them reciting the 'Yassin', I know how it felt to be 'dead'...
She was buried the next day, on the 9th of July 2008. All of my cousins carried her to the bathing place and back...and all of them was crying. I didn't...not a single tear came out... It's kinda frustrating when you are not able to cry... The last time I cried was in 1994 when my other grandma passed away...I've lost the ability to cry since then... After dat, we all carried her body to the mosque for the prayers and followed her to the cemetary... All of this happenned without me shedding a single drop of tear... Even my dad was crying... Well... I cried on the inside...I think...
The last thing I said to her was... "I'm gonna see you again, one day..." and "Send my regards to all, everybody there..."
Life must go on...even if it is one of hardest things to do...
Al-Fatihah untuk Allahyarhamah Bibi Sabariah binti Mohamed Mohaidin...
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me,
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest...
SeRIeS of UNFORTUNATe eVeNTS
I lie awake on a long dark night...can't seem to tame my mind. Slings and arrows are killing me inside, maybe I can't accept the life dats mine. The sun shines and I can't avoid the light...I think I'm holding on to life too tight... Ashes to ashes and dust to dust... Sometimes I feel like giving up.
Me...I'm rusted and weathered...barely holding together and I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal. Wake in a sweat again...another day's been laid to waste in my disgrace. Stuck in my head again...feels like I'll never leave this place... There's no escape.
I'm my own worst enemy... I don't know what to take. Thought I was focused but I'm scared...I'm not prepared. I hyperventalate...looking for help somehow somewhere... And no one cares...
I've given up...I'm sick of feeling... Is there nothing you can say? Take this all away, I'msuffocating!!! Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me!
I can't scream to let it out...
Hmmm... Let me see...I was disappointed, my grandma is very...very sick and I'm 'bout to lose my job in a couple of months... Nice, huh? I juz got a sms from my cousin sayin' dat my grandma is critical...
'bout a week ago, I smashed my door with my bare fists. Nearly fractured my hands but, hey...I'm so used to it...
Believe it or not, I wrote those things up there nearly a weeks ago... Well, 5 days ago to be exact...
And, today is the 12th of July 2008... On the 6th of July, it was MiYaKe's engagement day. I was not able to go 'cuz I need to see my grandma...she was very sick. To tell the truth, I was happy and frustrated a the same time. Happy 'cuz MiYaKe is engaged with with someone she loved and frustrated 'cuz it wasn't Me... Happy 'cuz I got to see my grandma again but frustrated for the state dat she is in...not well at all...
'bout a few days before dat, I learned dat the project in which I'm working for rite now is gonna be shut down. Its juz a business decision. And I got 'bout a month left here... Hmmm...juz when I thought dat I would be stable enuff to do the things dat I need to do...
But then again...dats life. You fall down somewhere in between and you just have to pick yourself up and start again...
Just when I thought dat it couldn't get any worst, I got an sms tellin' me dat my granda has passed away...
LAUGHTeR & PaIN
Hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.......................................
AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
StAnDiN' DoWn...FOR A WHILe...
Monday was quite odd...I noticed a very familiar smell in the office when I walked in... MiYaKe's perfume...well, maybe it's because I haven't seen her in 'bout a couple of weeks and dreamt 'bout her a few days ago...
I went to the bank the other day... Opened up a new saving account. Remember when I say dat I need to stash more money sumwhere? I need to start sumwhere, right? And to do dat, I need to give myself a very hard kick in the ass to get things rollin'... I also have a plan to do sumthin' crazy...again...within this couple of months. Just wait and see. Lets juz hope dat nuthin' goes wrong, shall we?
Another one of my friend is gettin' married early next month...well, good for her... I've known her from my previous company. She was in the same batch as me when we first came in... There's a group of us, about 7-8 people which is the trouble maker in the class... Maybe not a real trouble maker, but more to rule bender. We're the crazy bunch of the class... Ask anybody 'bout us, and they would know... But eventually all of us got separated once we got on floor and later most of them left the company...and I'm the only one left... I was the very last to move out of the company...
Hmmm...I wrote the first 3 paragraph last week, but haven't got the time to upload it... Time flies...it flew so fast dat, sumtimes it made lose track of it.
I went to see HaNie on Thursday...it's been nearly a year since I last saw her and she was very happy to see me again. She was complainin' to why I was losin' a lot of weight. Hehehe, I don't even know if dat is true or if it's just her... Later that night, I went out wit ChAcK and ZuL... It was fun...laughin' around at each others...
MiYaKe's gettin' engage early next month...good for her... I wish her all the best... Good things do happen to the people who waited patiently for it... And as for me...it is still the same.
When I came back to work on Saturday, I was unable to log in to my PC... It was sumthin' wrong wit the password... Well, considerin' dat the IT guys were not workin' on Saturday and Sunday...I got to stay away from answerin' the call for 2 FReAKIN' days... Hmmm...it was fun. But, by Monday...they're back and I have to start answerin' calls again...hehehe...fair enuff... Dat was the good thing...the bad thing was I got another 2 DSats and my TL was mad 'bout it... I admitted dat it was my own stupidity dat caused dat to happen. Seriously, dat SUCKS!!! I hate DSats... Dammit...
Dat same day,I noticed a very familiar smell again in the office... Smells like a girl dat I know...Haven't seen her for......too long dat I can't even remember... Hmmm...
Uh, yeah... I almost forgot...The Guardian DeMON is now unguarded... I am very vunerable right now... A lil' bit depressed and a lot of anger... Unable to release any of it... I'm trapped, in my desolate room... No lights, no music... Juz anger......
GeTTING eVeN & THeN SOMe...
eURO 2008 started on 7th June... I'm not a big footbal fan. I only watch football if I want to and the only time dat I actually enjoy football is when the World Cup starts. And dat only happens once every four years... The company is doin' a competition between the teams here. Each team will represent one eURO nation and need to decorate their respective islands with the colors of the team. Our team got to represent Russia, but I believe dat nobody in my team knows any footballers from Russia... Well, I have dis idea in my head of calling ourselves the 'Tzars'... 'Tzar' in Russia means King or Ruler... Maybe we would modify our name a 'lil bit and put the 'Tzar' in front of it. And my name would be 'Tzar Gabanz'...hehehe. All of the team members would be called the 'Tzarians' collectively... But, I need to tell dat to my short sighted Team Leader first... Speakin' 'bout her, she does wear glasses, but only when she's drivin' or in a meetin'...(kinda cute when she wear 'em...) She admits dat she's short sighted...so, I called her my short sighted Team Leader! There are some people dat I know who looks cute when wearin' glasses...MiYaKe, RyNa to name a few...
She planned to have us wear the jersey of Russia, complete football attire and face-paint on the judging day... And I said dat she needs to wear a referee's shirt with a skirt...hahaha... And kinda like some people I know, she know nuts 'bout footbal... But gettin' the Russian jersey might not as easy as we first thought...
I was late yesterday...for the first time since I was officially on floor... I woke up at about 4 am, and I'm like, "SHIT!!!"...hahaha... At the time dat I'm writin' dis, it's already 6.55 am and I've only answered 1 call. And the call lasted for about 20 mins. So, Its been close to 2 hours without any calls comin' in...
I've been doin' some thinkin' lately. It seems dat people always forgets wut I say... Even when the things I say to them is for their own good. I noticed, man... Seen dat too many times before... And when they forgets, they put the blame on me... For example, remember dat I always says dat I always do sumthin' with and for a reason. I won't do things without reason...unless I wanted to... And when I do sumthin' or sumthin' happened, they completely forget the reason behind it all... Dat includes the reason why I do the things I do... Uh, well... I hope dat one day they will remember it again...eventually......
I got myself a D-Sat last week...but this week, I got a C-Sat and a Sat. Well, basically...I've just made it even. 1 for each category...hehehe. I'm like walking on a very thin line dat seperates good and bad...as always. And just the way I like it... I also supported a customer dat was having some issue with the printer. It is definately out-of-scope for me, but hey...I solved the issue. He's able to use the printer after dat. When I told dis to my ASG, he said dat it's like playing with fire, but as long as the issue is solved...there should be no problem.
Hmmm...playing with fire...just one of my weird hobbies. Don't try dis at home...you might get burned...
A WeeK IN ReVIeW...
Hmmm... Another update...late one... This is wut happened between the last time I did update dis blog until today. A week's summary...
On Monday, I answered '0' calls... There was absolutely no calls routed to us... Same thing happened on Tuesday. It was Memorial Day in the U.S of A...
I'm so very sleepy right now. It's nearly 4.30 a.m...
Finally got my pay today... Hmmm...even before I got my pay... 1000 bucks is already gone out the window... I need to pay back my mom and dad for the car installments and my adopted brother wants to borrow 300 bucks from me. So, there goes a thousand bucks... Juz like dat... I have another thousand left...but...all of it is goin' down the drain very soon... As far as I can tell, the things dat I bought for myself was just a bottle of shampoo, deo and hair moisturiser... I've saved about 12,000 bucks, sumwhere... but I need to save more, sumwhere else... Have to...
Meet up with my fren the other day... Mr. door and wall...didn't plant my punches well, so I've torn a thin layer of my skin between the middle and the ring finger off. It's nice to know dat I can still feel pain... Feels good to let some steam off... Haven't got the time to enjoy my life... My last vacation was nearly 6 months ago... Time flies...
I had dinner last night with RyNa(Sunday, I think)...it was fun... She told me dat I need to get enuff sleep or I might get sick. She also said dat I never got enuff sleep since the first day she knew me... Well, maybe she's right... I would normally sleep only for 'bout 6 hours per day, and now it's even worst... I would be very lucky if I got to sleep 'bout 6 hours undisturbed... I only got to sleep on average of 'bout 4.5 hours per day now... I have to admit dat she is one of the few people who somewhat knew me better than others...
I got my first D-Sat ever yesterday... Hahaha...dat SUCKS!!! But, hey...it's not the end of the world... I can still live with it...no issue at all. My Team Leader is going to do a discussion later today with me...huhu... It was kinda my fault anyway...so...I deserved it... Speaking 'bout my Team Leader, she got her hair straighten and cut...looks nice... I actually thought dat she was somebody else when she walked in to the office yesterday... And she got to know dat I have a blog and most probably after she reads dis, I'm gonna get another Coachin' Form... Huhu... I also need to get my hair trimmed...juz haven't got the time to do it yet... Hey, I'm not kissin' anybody's ass here... Not now, not then...and certainly not not ever...
I was traumatized this morning(Sunday night...after the dinner wit RyNa)... In my life, I've never seen so many gays in one single night, in one single place... I didn't even dared to step out of my car. I stayed inside the car for nearly half an hour. The only reason I was there was 'cuz it's my usual parking place. And I know dat there's a so-called high class retaurant and lounge sumwhere near there. It's the kind of place dat spoiled rich brat or people who thinks dat they're better than others go to hang out. Wut I wasn't expectin' was...it was having some sort of 'Gays Nite Out'!!! Hey, I know some people dat is gay...fine with me...absolutely no issue with dat... But to see a bunch of people...well a whole lot of bunch of 'em running around, holdin' hands, flyin' kissin', huggin'
and ass smackin' each other is definately disturbin' for me... Seriously guys...you know wut you're doin' is wrong... WAKe UP!!!
Last night, I had my dinner wit MiYaKe... She was askin' why I haven't updated my blog yet... Well...your wish just came true, MiYaKe... Hehehe... There's so many things dat happenned I juz haven't got the time to tell you 'bout it... But anyway, it was fun to see her again. There's never a dull moment when I'm wit her...And as usual, the nose pinchin' and ears pullin' was part of the dinner...
Hmmm...DeADMAN out...for now......
FeeLING SUMTHIN' LURKING BeHIND THe SHADOWS
Hmmm... Haven't update dis blog for a few days... I was off on Thursday and Friday.My first 3 days on floor was quite OK except for the fact that the very first call for each day required escalation to the Floor Supports...dat SUCKS!!! but anyway, all the calls later was fine. We're suppose to go to Tasik Titiwangsa dis Monday. The company has organized an event...the first one and all the agents are invited to participate. My Team Leader wants all of us to go...but I dun know if wanna go or not...
Sunday was heaven. More than 1 FReAKIN' hour without any calls comin' in... Hahaha... I only got one call since I logged in at 4.30 am...and now, the clock is showing 9.00 am... Crazy, huh... I only answered 7 calls today. My working hours is kinda like 9 hours, so...it's like 1 call per hour...Hahahaha
I went to visit my one of my fren at the hospital on Thursday. He was admitted on Sunday. Needs an operation to remove sumthin' that is currently growing right behind his socrotum... Dun ask me 'bout it. Dis is some of the things dat I dun want to know, but I got to know 'bout it... After dat, I went to see ZuL... He said sumthin' dat made realized dat there's sumthin' is not right with me all this time and how I've let him down before... I gotta swallow all of dat and face the facts... He was kind enuff to help me do it... I really need dat... THANX BRO...
Remember the girl who I mentioned...the one who applied for the Trainer position at my previous company. Well, she got the position. Good for her... She thanked me for helping her...and I was like, "Wut did I do?"... She said dat 'cuz all the things dat I've taught her before dis, helped her a lot and she actually looked up to me... Hey, you know wut...if there's one guy dat you shouldn't look up to...it's Me... I was juz doin' my job...and I admit dat I enjoyed dat a lot...
I went and have dinner with MiYaKe on Wednesday nite. Haven't seen her for 'bout a month now...and I was happy to see her again...very happy. On Thursday, we had lunch and dinner together... I got to pinch her nose again... Hahaha...dat was fun...and she got the chance to beat me up again... She got so many things to tell me and so do I... And 'cuz of dat, she was quite late to get into the class again after dat...Huhu... It felt good to be able to smell her perfume again...even when my nose is not really functionin' well due to flu... She said she changed her perfume...but I dun think so... Hmmm...how I missed her...a lot...
I've been havin' dis weird feelin' dat sumbody is hidin' sumthin' from me...
DReAMING & KaRmA ReVOLUTION
My very first call was an angry customer. Had to asked the Floor Support to help me... The customer is stupid enuff not to believed me when I told him that his PC doesn't come with a TV Tuner Card... Well, what goes around...comes around... Hahaha... And guess wut... the 2nd call
was a very nice customer... I helped him to re-install the antivirus and in the meantime, we talked 'bout Michigan, Malaysia and wutever... Hehehe... KARMA...
Later, most of the customer is the nice ones...good for me... My last call today was with a girl which sounded so sweet and I guided her to check the functionality of her network card. The way I was guiding her was just like Lt. Horatio Caine in CSI:Miami...hehehe...I just need to do sumthin' regarding my ability to multi-task...gotta improve it... Remember, dat I've stopped doin' it for quite sumtime now...
I dreamt 'bout my current workplace a couple of days ago...and in there, I saw a very familiar face. But haven't seen dat face for nearly a year... Posibbility? I dun know...
My floor name is GRAYVeN. Actually a combination of Gray and Raven...could also be a combination of Grave and Raven...
Your sense is direction is bad, your instinct is really bad, your intuition is worst and your common sense is ZeRO... It may not be the exact words, but dis was told to me by somebody 'bout a year ago... And the person I saw in my dream the other day was her... She's a good fren...dat's all I got to say... We had a lot of good times together and a couple of bad ones, too... I still regards her as my fren...but I'm not so sure if she still thinks the same thing...
I went out with RyNa on Saturday for a dinner... Lucky for me she was free... Haven't hang out wit her for quite a while, now...Gotta get ready for a new day, today... And according to American date and time... It's Monday...Manic Monday...
THe DeLAYING GAMe...
Hmmm... Suppose to answer calls...but NOOOOO!!! I DUN THINK SO!!! Hahaha... Instead, me and a couple of my batch mates helped the Floor Supports to assist the people on floor. And these guys are a batch earlier than mine... When we gave these guys the answers, they wouldn't listen...juz 'cuz we're the juniors... When they referred to the Floor Supports, they gave em the same answer and some of the Floor Support didn't have the answers for some of the questions... Well, you know wut guys, YOU SUCK!!! Doesn't mean dat if
you're one batch earlier than I am, your're good... And guess wut, YOUR'RE NOT!!!
Another one of my frenz is getting married by the end of the month...she was
one of the people in my batch when I first came in to my previous company...
I'm not sure whether I'm goin' to attend it or not. But she asked me to inform
the others 'bout it...
I just got the news dat one of the guy dat I know in my previous company is
joinin' in to the place dat I'm workin' in now... I'm quite pissed off wit this guy
'cuz he crashed my car and didn't even bother to pay me back... Yeah, I
know my car insurance covered the repairin' bills...but then again...he's actin'
like he got nuthin' to do wit it... FUCK IT!!! And all the while when I didn't have
my car wit me, he's like dun give a shit 'bout me anymore... Usually he would
be the one callin' me to go out and 'lepak'...but not when I didn't have my
car... He's like been using me to take him around whenever he needs to...
Yeah, it feels like shit... Not juz 'cuz of dat... He juz love to brag 'bout himself.
If there's one of the things dat I can't stand...it's the people who brags... Hey,
I know I do dat too...but then again, the reason for it is to make people
realize dat if they think dat they're good...there's always somebody better
than them...somewhere out there... I ALWAYS DO THINGS WIT A
REASON...UNLESS I CHOOSE NOT TO HAVE A REASON AT ALL...
One of my former trainees called me and asked my advised 'cuz she's goin'
for the interview for the Trainer position in my previous company... I told her
to be herself, cool and confident... That's all she needs... She passed the
interview and she have to do a presentation later... Well, good for her...
Called MiYaKe a few days back to check up on her... She's doin' fine... And
listenin' to her voice makes me smile... She haven't send me the survey
questions yet...well, she's a lil' bit busier than ever 'cuz she needs to set up
sumthin' for the trainees... Been there, done dat...I know how it feels... Big
headache...but I manage to do it with lil' effort. Maybe it's just my luck!
I think it's time for me to see my good fren, the doors and walls...
SLeePY MONDAY...
We're suppose to answer live call today, but...I dun think so... Hehe. I'm so
sleepy today...maybe it's 'cuz I didn't get enuff sleep.
I manage to help my fren to settle her animation thingy. Coloured all her
scanned drawings and do some simple animation... If my college frenz would've
seen wut I did, they're gonna screw me, big time... It looked so stupid... Most
probably it's 'cuz I've stopped doin' it for about 5 FReAKIN' years!!! We started
at 'bout 9.30 pm and finished at 4 in the morning... I did it at McD and then we
moved to a mamak shop...wit her laptop...
She said 'bout payin' me 'cuz she borrowed my time...then I said to her, "Aren't
we all livin' on borrowed time?"... Hehe...she never said anythin' after dat but
still kept on insisting to pay me... Stubborn...
Another borin' weekend, as usual... Except for the animating part...
CReePINGLY DISTURBeD INSIDe...
When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye,
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry.
You float like a feather,
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special,
You're so fucking special.
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.
I don't care if it hurts,
I want to have control.
I want a perfect body,
I want a perfect soul.
I want you to notice,
when I'm not around.
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special.
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?.
I don't belong here.
She's running out the door,
she's running, she run, run, run, run, run.
Whatever makes you happy,
Whatever you want.
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special.
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here,
I don't belong here.
The song, 'Creep' by Radiohead tells the tale of an inebriated man who
tries to get the attention of a woman he is attracted to by following her
around. In general, the word 'Creep' means disturbingly eccentric,
painfully quiet and shy, painfully loud and obnoxious, or overly perverted.
Hmmm...dat sound kinda like me...in a very weird kind of way...
CReePY...
My adopted brother called me the other day...and again last night. He
asked me to call back, but I didn't. I fell into a deep sleep for about 4
hours... Actually it's been nearly a week that I'm not getting enuff sleep...
I've been sleeping like 4-5 hoors on a daily basis...
I called him last night...and he asked for my help... Unfortunately, I can't
help him. Well, it feels like SHIT when you are unable to help someone
dat needs your help...
There's a new batch comin' in at my so-called new workplace, here... And
some of 'em is from my previous office. They told me dat people are
saying dat I got terminated from dat place... Ok, let me clarify it. I DID
NOT GET TERMINATED!!! I CHOOSE NOT TO SIGN THE NEW CONTRACT
OFFERED TO ME 'CUZ I'M SICK AND TIRED OF WORKING WIT A BUNCH
OF IDIOTS WHO THINKS DAT THEIR TOO GOOD AND WANTS PEOPLE TO
KISS THEIR FUCKIN' ASS!!! GET IT?!?!?! AND I DON'T KISS ANYBODY'S
ASS, I JUZ KICK 'EM!!!
MiYaKe has sent me the survey questions and I've finished it... I lost
count of how many questions it was...hahaha. It was 'bout 150 questions,
I think... I got to call her a day before dat and we talked for 'bout an
hour... It has been 'bout a week since we last talked to each other. I
asked her out this weekend... Let's juz hope dat it works out...I dun really
want it to cause her any trouble later...
I'm gonna really start work maybe around next week... I have some
doubt in me, whether I can do it or not... It's been quite a while since I
last did it... Lets juz hope dat it will work out, too...
A friend of my friend is askin' for my help to do some animation editing.
I've stopped doin' dat for the past 5 years...Dun really know if I can still
do it... But, hey...it's me...I can do anythin' dat I want...anytime...
AkUsTaTiK
It's been a while since the last time I updated the blog... So, here goes...
Urmmm... Last weekend is another borin' weekend... Sitting at home doin'
nuthin'... The only thing good 'bout it was, there's nobody to bug me 'cuz my
auntie went to see my mom in Ipoh. So, basically I was home alone since
Thursday...
Today is our 2nd day of Buddy Session... Nuthin' much, anyway... It's pretty
much the same from I used to do previously... We got to listen to calls...got to
know how most of the callers are not really good in using their PCs and all dat
comes wit it...
I started doin' sumthin' dat I've stopped doin' for a very long time... Wearing a
wrist watch... I've stopped doin' dat for nearly 5 years now...I dun quite
remember actually. But, I know dat it's been a while.. a 'very long' while...
I'm still waitin' for MiYaKe to give me another set of survey questions... Hey,
you know wut... I actually have sumthin' to write here but I dun remember wut
is it... It's the short term memory lost again...and I hate dat...I really do... But
wut I know is...there's one song dat keeps playin' in my mind... 'Creep' by
RadioHead...
One of my fren 'text'ed me just now... She said dat she getting engaged at the
end of the month... When I asked 'wit who?'...she didn't reply... But to
whomever she's wit...I juz wish for her happiness, forever... Dat's wut frenz
do...no matter wut...
My body is tired but my brain is juz pushing it to the limit...and I have to
survive...or else......
Dun know if I'm juz gonna shutdown and go completely static...
QUeSTIONS AND BeING HONeST
On a cold winter morning
In the time before the light
In flames of death's eternal reign
We ride towards the fight
When the darkness has fallen down
And the times are tough alright
The sound of evil laughter falls
Around the world tonight
Fighting hard, fighting on for the steel
Through the wastelands evermore
The scattered souls will feel the hell
Bodies wasted on the shores
On the blackest waves in hell's domain
We watch them as they goT
hrough fire and pain and once again we know!
So now we fly ever free
We're free before the thunderstorm
On towards the wilderness
Our quest carries on
Far beyond the sundown
Far beyond the moonlight
Deep inside our hearts and all our souls!
So far away we wait for the day
For the light source so wasted and gone
We feel the pain of a lifetime lost in a thousand days
Through the fire and the flames we carry on!
As the red day is dawning
And the lightning cracks the sky
They'll raise their hands to the heavens above
With resentment to their lies
Running back through the midmorning light
There's a burning in my heart
We're banished from the time in a foreign land
To a life beyond the stars
In your darkest dreams see to believe
Our destiny is time
And endlessly we'll all be free tonight!
And on the wings of a dream
So far beyond reality
All alone in desperation
Now the time has gone
Lost inside you'll never find
Lost within my own mind
Day after day this misery must go on!
So far away we wait for the day
For the light source so wasted and gone
We feel the pain of a lifetime lost in a thousand days
Through the fire and the flames we carry on!
Now here we stand with their blood on our hands
We fought so hard, now can we understand
I'll break the seal of this curse if I possibly can
For freedom of every man!
So far away we wait for the day
For the light source so wasted and gone
We feel the pain of a lifetime lost in a thousand days
Through the fire and the flames we carry on!
'Through The Fire and Flames' is a song from a band called DragonForce... It was ZuL who gave me the song to listen to 'bout a week ago and at first I thought it sounded like an old 1980's rock band but actually, they are relatively new... And to my surprise, the music is ABSOLUTELY COOL!!! It's kinda like power and speed metal or rock... Fast drum and 2 syncronized lead guitar that goes like HELL!!!
Today is the last day of our Training Session. Next week, will be our first week on floor. But we have to sit down with the seniors first and after 2-3 days, we'll be answering calls on our own... Time flies, fast. Faster than you think... It feels like we only started our Training yesterday... Well, wut can you do...as time waits for no man...
MiYaKe gave me another set of questions to answer... Well, 127 questions to be exact...and she said dat she knows dat I'm gonna be bored inside the class and this is sumthin' to keep me occupied. As always, she asked me to give my honest answer...and as always, that is wut I gave her... After I'm done answerin' all of it (which I did in 'bout half an hour), I sent it back to her... She's gonna be working on Saturday, so most probably she'll send me another e-mail by Monday...
Speaking 'bout Monday...my shift starts at 4.00 am!!! Talk 'bout crazy working hours, huh? By the time I upload this, it's probably Saturday morning... I have no idea of wut to do today...
Yesterday, I went to the workshop to do sumthin' bout my car... Changed all 4 of the tyres, alignment, balancing, regular oil replacement and engine flushing materials...and it costs me 670 bucks... It was worth it...I hope...
Guess wut...I got to know dat there's one guy in my class dat have a near identical pattern on his palm as mine... There's one straight line right across my palm. This actually indicates dat I can deliver a very devastating blow to anybody that pisses me off. That is also the same reason why my parents never sent me to any self defense classes or letting me slap or beat-up anybody at all... I'm the only one who have it it my family...
I'm the kind of guy who actually have a very short fuse... I can 'snap' at any given moment and can go totally out of control... But remember wut I said earlier, 'bout learnin' a lot of things in my life so far? Anger management is one of 'em... so, dat's why I keep on blastin' the damn door or walls...(it's not the best solution, but hey... it worked for me...)
ROCK ON!!!
STRANGeLY PeRFECT
Can you remember remember my name
As I flow through your life
A thousand oceans I have flown
And cold spirits of ice
All my life
I am the echo of your past
I am returning the echo of a point in time
Distant faces shine
A thousand warriors I have known
And laughing as the spirits appear
All your life
Shadows of another day
And if you hear me talking on the wind
You've got to understand
We must remain
Perfect strangers
I know I must remain inside this silent well of sorrow
A strand of silver hanging through the sky
Touching more than you see
The voice of ages in your mind
Is aching with the dead of the night
Precious life (your tears are lost in falling rain)
And if you hear me talking on the wind
You've got to understand
We must remain
Perfect strangers
The song 'Perfect Strangers' by Deep Purple. One of my favourite song...
I'm supposed to see ZuL and ChAcK today, but they bailed out... I HATE IT!!! They said I never confirmed with them 'bout the meeting. I was at the meeting place and they are nowhere to be seen. I called ChAcK and he said that they're at the Masjid Jamek LRT Station. He said 'cuz I didn't call ZuL to confirmed the meeting, both of them is now at the LRT Station to 'lepak together-gether'... I was so damn pissed off until......
MiYaKe called me(continued from the previous sentence)... The first in nearly 3 weeks. More accurately, it's been 21 days. That brought back a big smile on my face... I dreamt 'bout her last night...and the last thing I would expect was that she's gonna call me... She said that she wants to know wut the hell happened to me. All this talk 'bout purposely failing the test and me sounding so demotivated in my blog...that includes me punching on the walls and doors... And the fact that she missed me(eventhough she didn't admit it, but I know...hehehe)
She also wants to know when will she be able to have a one on one session with me...like we always did...
She also have been doin' some sort of crazy things at the office such as requesting another TTT Session (even when she dun really need it) just 'cuz she was tired and lazy of conducting the class... Well, wut can I say, she learned to do all this things from the best...ME!!!
We talked for about an hour or so...and she asked me 'bout 20 to 35 questions... Seriously, no joke... She said that she got all this questions on a survey and wanted my honest answer. So, I gave her my most honest answer to all of it. Not a single lie... She then told me that she know more 'bout me... Hmmm...I hope so...
Unfortunately there is a possibility that I'm still unable to see her for the time being... Well, one can only hope... Dum Spiro Spero...
Like I said before... I missed her, a lot...
Hmmmm......
DISMANTLING DeSIRe...
MiYaKe replied my e-mail... It made me feel better... At least I know she's there... I replied back and told her not to worry about me... I repeated some of the things that I've said to her before... (DAMN, I MISS HeR, A LOT!!!)
We got to use Vista today...nice interface and features... Pardon the excitement 'cuz I've never use it before and not really into this new updates and upgrades on OS and PC. Stopped being excited on that for years now... I'm more looking foward on dismantling the PC's. I like taking thing apart and exploring it... More like DeSTROYING things, actually(evil grin)... Also, haven't done it in quite a while... SeeK 'N' DeSTROY!!!
Hmmm...I dun have much to say nowadays... Dun know why......or maybe I do know...just keepin' it to myself...
I'm not feelin' very well... My head hurts a lot...
DeAFeNING SILeNCe
Met-up wit ZuL last Friday...we talked 'bout the change... He also said that I need to revert to who I was before...'bout stoppin' to be the 2nd and being the one on top of the list again... Being no. 1...
I never again and again count it over
Never again and again and again this
Why?
Come on again and again on my power
And on the shame and my pain will I get this
Why ?!!
It's so real!!
Fall in love again?
It's all we have to live
Whenever i'm unseen
I blame it on myself
All over again and again coming over
Never again and again and again this
Why?
Come on again and again on my power
And on the shame and my pain will I get this
Why??
It's so real!!!
Fall in love again?
It's easier to be.....
Whenever i'm unseen
I blame it on myself
Silky coloured
Will you love me? (Suck!!)
Silky coloures
Will you leave me?
Silky coloured
Indecision (Go!!)
Silky coloured
Cause I'm a patienttt...
Yaaaaa........heyyyyyyyyyyy
Fall in love again?
It's all we have to livee...
Whenever i'm unseen
I blame it on my self
Nooooo!!!!!
Fall in love again ?
Fall in love again ?
hmmmmmmmm.....
I always say that life is like drivin' a car... You look foward, to the thing that is in front of you...but sometimes, you also need to look at the rear view mirror...to see what's behind... Just like life, you look with to the things ahead of you, the future...but there is a time you need to look back to the past and learn from your experience... People say that experience is the benchmark of maturity, but to me...experience is juz another name for mistakes...
By the way, the lyrics is from Butterfinger's 'The Chemistry (between us)'... They're considered the pioneer and godfather of the Malaysian underground scene... And they're friends with my older cousin brother...they played music together...
This past week is juz another boring weekend...sitting at home and doin' absolutely nuthin', and nuthin' is bad...remember... I NEED TO DO SUMTHIN"!!!!!! (dats wut would happen if you dun have frens around you...)Oh, yeah...did I mention dat I purposely failed my post-ACE test... Well, I did...juz for the fun of it. Dun ask me why...I got my own reason other than for fun.
I need to straighten my life up...and I need help. But I'm not sure if there's anybody out there to help me...... I'm keepin' it all inside and dun know how to let it out...and I dun tell anybody 'bout it, juz 'cuz I dun know how to...
Lingering thoughts of mode morphin'...
Sometimes there's a time you must say good bye though it hurts, you must learn to try. I know I've got to let you go… But I know anywhere you go… You'll never be far 'cuz like the light of a bright star you'll keep shining in my life… You're gonna be right here in my heart. That's where you'll be… You'll be with me, here in my heart. No distance can keep us apart as long as you're here in my heart……
There won't be any tears falling from these eyes, ‘cuz when love is true it never dies… It stays alive forever and time can't take away what we have… I will remember our time together. You may think our time is through but I'll still have you here in my heart… I know you'll be back again...
And 'till then...I’ll be waiting. No distance can keep us apart as long as you're here in my heart
I close my eyes only for a moment, and the moment's gone... All my dreams pass before my eyes, a curiosity... Same old song just a drop of water in an endless sea. All we do, crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see... Dust in the wind... All we are is dust in the wind.
Hmmm...feeling a lil' bit sentimental today... Dun know why...maybe it's 'cuz the the weather. Cloudy and rainin'...kinda dull and no sunshine......
If you, if you could return
Don't let it burn
Don't let it fade
I'm sure I'm not being rude
But it's just your attitude
And it's tearing me apart
It's ruining every day
I swore, I swore I would be true
And honey, so did you
So why were you holding her hand?
Is that the way we stand?
Were you lying all the time?
Was it just a game to you?
But I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you
You've got me wrapped around your finger...
Do you have to let it linger?
Do you have to...do you have to...do have to let it linger?
Oh, I thought the world of you
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrong, I was wrong If you, if you could get by
Trying not to lie
Things wouldn't be so confused
And I wouldn't feel so used
But you always really knew
I just want to be with you
And I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you
You've got me wrapped around your finger
Do have to let it linger?
Do you have to...do you have to...do have to let it linger?
And I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you
You've got me wrapped around your finger
Do have to let it linger?
Do you have to...do you have to...do have to let it linger?
You know I'm such a fool for you
You've got me wrapped around your finger
Do have to let it linger?
Do you have to...do you have to...do have to let it linger?
'Linger' by The Cranberries... Nearly faded away in my mind 'till I heard it in the movie 'Click' starring Adam Sandler. The movie teaches you a lot about life and patience...
Actually my emotions are a bit mixed around. Again, maybe it's 'cuz the weather or my current surrounding and situation...
FUCK!!! I hate it when I'm like this... I'm suppose to be the SUPeR-DUPeR CRAZee FReAKY, dun give a shit kinda guy!!! I definately need to go back to the way I was before...not the bad part of it...just the good things...... Makin' people 'round me happy and helpin' them to take a different look at life. To stir thing up a lil' bit...and make it even more interesting...
Need to revert to 'Normal' mode again...NOW!!!
St. ANGeR 'n' THe PuRsUiT of HAPPINeSS
It is said that it's nothing better than to start your day with a 'bang'...so, here goes... 'BANG'!!!
The weekend didn't go well at all...let me see...where should I start... Somebody asked me not to look for her...my mom got admitted to the hospital...and my knuckles, biceps and triceps hurts(due to the punching that I've been doing on my door...good enuff that my fist didn't bled, 'cuz it did back then...)
So, that was it...when I thought it couldn't get worst, guess what...IT DID!!! Some guy (I know who...) sends me a message and sort of trying to get on my nerve and pisses me off... It nearly worked until I saw my door and started punching it really hard with my bare fists... Punching doors(wooden doors) or walls is how I let my anger and frustrations out...but I've stopped doing that for quite sometime, now...but I'm doin' it again... I used to punched until my fists was bleeding. I actually punched the doors and walls until the skin of my knuckles tore off, that's why it was bleeding and I just leave it like that...didn't even bother to wipe the blood off... My biceps and triceps hurts 'cuz of the constant arm stretching when punching the door...haven't done that for a while, ya' know...that's why it hurts... Go figure...
Do you know that it takes 17 muscles to smile --- 43 to frown(to show displeasure with or disapproval of especially by facial expression)...and I haven't been smiling that much for the past 1 week...there's so many things inside my head and I've been thinking too much lately...
ST ANGER 'ROUND MY NECK, HE NEVER GETS RESPECT...FUCK IT ALL, FUCKIN' NO REGRETS... I HIT THE LIGHTS ON THIS DARK SET, I NEED A VOICE TO LET MYSELF GO FREE... I HIT THE LIGHTS ON THIS DARK SETS, I'LL HANG MYSELF... ST ANGER 'ROUND MY NECK... I FEEL MY WORLD SHAKE, LIKE AN EARTHQUAKE... IT'S HARD TO SEE CLEAR, IT IT ME? IS IT FEAR?
And I want my anger to be healthy...And I want my anger just for me...And I need my anger not to control...And I want my anger to be me...And I need to set my anger free...SET IT FREE!!!
MiYaKe...if you're reading this... Please be assured that I'm not angry or mad at you. I'm mad and angry at myself and the things that I've done... I understand that you need your time alone and to clear some things up and I ReSPeCT your request to me for not to look for you for the time being... This is maybe the only way that I can reach you now(that is only if you are opening and reading my blog)... When it's all said and done...you know where and how to get me(just like I always said to you). You can count on me if you need my help... Remember what we promised each other? And you know that I'll always do whatever I said I'll do... I never break any of my promises and I don't wanna start now...not ever...
I wasn't 'that' surprise when I received your message the other day...I knew it was comin'...sooner or later... I've been wronged, I've been dump into the bottom of every bottom...It did hurt, but I've learned a lot of things inside my life and having a high threshold of pain is one of it... So, I think...I'll manage...
Here I go now, into the days. Ain't no mercy there for me. And I went on down that road. I'm pain, I'm hope, I'm suffering... Do you bury me when I'm gone? Do you teach me while I'm here? Just as soon as I belong, then it's time I disappear...but I hope it wouldn't be that long......
Wonderin' 'bout ToKiDoKi...'n' MiYaKe...
So lately, you're wondering when we'll be there to take my place
When I'm gone, you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If the rain will wish I'd fall
I'd fall upon a star
And between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
And maybe, I'll find out
The way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
If the rain will wish I'd fall
I'd fall upon a star
Well I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you
Runaway with my heart
Runaway with my hope
Runaway with my love
I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart and your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time
If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go
I first heard this song somewhere back in 2002 or 2003...dun quite remember...hehehe. It brings back the theme of expecting a miracle, right? By wishing to undone what has been done, to be back and to be watching over the person you love and also hope that the love would never change...
It's called 'Wherever You Will Go' by The Calling. I listened to it when I was on my way back home yesterday... And there is a reason why I bold the sentences...
I'm thinkin' 'bout goin' out with MiYaKe this weekend... It's been a while since the last time we went out together... But I'm afraid that she might already have a plan...
Anyway...MiYake, wanna go out this weekend???(Pls answer...hehehe)
I haven't change my tyres yet...maybe I'll do it by the end of the month... For the time being, I have to drive using the spare tyre... I hate that...feels like the car is not perfect...dun like it one bit at all...
Waaaa.....I'm sleepy *BIG YAWN*
Realizing that you need a tyre change... And dreaming...
Take time to realize
That your warmth is
Crashing down on me
Take time to realize
That I am on your side
Well didn't I, didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you
If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, now
Take time to realize
Oh oh, I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you
Take time to realize
Oh oh, I'm on your side
Oh ooo oh ooo oh
But I can't spell it out for you
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you
If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we`ll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, but
It's not the same
No it's never the same
If you don't feel it too
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way
It could be the same for you
If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other
Just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, now
Missed out on each other now
"This song is about falling in love with your best friend...but don't know what to do next." -Colbie Caillat (pronounced - "Kole-bee Kal-lei") singer. (seems familiar...but where...hhmmmmm...)
Colbie is a singer that gained popularity when her first single, 'Bubly' was circulating in the Internet through her Myspace page. This song, titled 'Realize' was her 2nd single from her album. The statement above was made in an interview when she was asked about the song.
MiYaKe called me earlier today...and complaint the blog was getting a lil' bit boring... Hahaha. I told her that I was too sleepy to think...
I called her again later... And somehow along the way...she said that she is acting like my so-called big sis and I'm her lil' bro... NO WAY...I DON'T THINK SO!!! Off all of the things in the world, that is definitely sumthin' that I can't accept... And, she's not big at all...she small, cute and petite... Not a big sis material... Hahaha. She is sooo gonna beat me up for saying that..... Sorry MiYaKe...you know I'm joking, right...(about you being my big sis, it's serious... it's a big NO!)
I dreamt about her a couple of days ago...and the odd part was there was 2 other people in it... I told her 'bout this and she told me maybe it's 'cuz I miss those people and wanted to see them again... Well, maybe... I do miss her...a lot... The other 2 used to be a friend of mine... I don't think that they still regards me as a friend now...
My rear tyre punctured...just as I arrived at the office. Luckily I already parked my car and only then the tyre blew up. Yup, it literaly blew up...with a bang... I thought my exhaust had fallen off...a lil' bit scary... Hehehe. So, now I need to borrow a jack from my classmate since mine was stolen... Good luck and Bad luck mixed together...
That's life...
Training...Boring...
Day 2 of Product and Technical Training...
A brief introduction on how to do the recovery thingy. HP has 15 recovery CDs for one single machine... Damn, that's a lot. It's recomended to burn it into DVD...easier...(I guess).
Customer Service - Satisfying the customer by giving them value added service...
Learned to use positive word choices, be friendly, concern, appreciative, empathetic, dependable, patience, honest and building good rapport with customers... Hey, I could use some of those things in my everyday life(duh...I've been doin' dat all my life but nobody even gives a shit 'bout it...)
"Me, I'm dishonest. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly, it's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly stupid." - Captain Jack Sparrow.(Hmmm... I can use this, huh?)
Deja-Vu... I feel as if I've been here before...in the training room and doin' what I'm doin' now...
I sent an e-mail to MiYaKe yesterday...with a picture of a bunch of CJ7 in it. Hehehe...just to make her smile early in the morning. She needs it to make her day better, considering that nearly everybody is getting on her nerve at the office. They're lucky I'm not there...or else, I'll be shoving my fist down their FReAKIN' throat!!!
I found one of the addresses that I've been looking for...belongs to Chip Foose. One of the famous car builder and customiser in the world...
Foose Design Inc
Story Ideas Ref# 67-3456-00117811
Sampson Lane
Huntington Beach, CA. 92647
LET THE OVERHAULIN' BEGIN...
-_- up d/m/y --> (sleepy update, get it?)
Today is the first day of Product and Tech Training...
The trainer is a Malaysian...hehehe. The previous 2 trainers was from Phillipines and America. He's doing the briefing for the training roadmap and work related thing including the job scopes, MC issue, the need of sales(tele-marketing), but not mandatory bla bla bla...
Some of the guys were like shocked when they know that they're gonna do the sales thingy... I already saw that coming so, I don't really give a shit 'bout it. Been there, done that... No issue at all(hopefully)... I was quite familiar with all of this in the previous company so, wouldn't be a problem(again, hopefully)...
I got to see the upcoming Transformers Classics toys that will be release somewhere around May or June. Quite nice...remake of the G1 with a twist of latest design. And being a Transformers fan, I have to admit that it's a pretty interesting design fusion...
The past weekend was absolutely BORING!!! I didn't do anything, except for watching Astro until I feel like vomitting like hell in front of the damn TV... I was thinking 'bout going out with MiYaKe or HaNie or my so-called sister, FiDa or ChAcK or ZuL but everybody was busy or already have plans of their own... That sucks, seriously big time... Went out anyway to get my car washed, but it rained soon after that. No point of washing it... But, hey...that's life. It's not that the sun is gonna shine everyday in your FReAKIN' life...
I'm so damn sleepy today. Didn't get enuff sleep. I was awake around 11 am and couldn't force myself to sleep 'cuz I was not tired enuff...
MiYaKe's ToKiDoKi
Likes to mingle with people - Yes
Loves to a have a good life - Yes(who doesn't...duh!)
Unfortunaly, also like to flirt - Hmm...depends...
The romantic type - Not really sure 'bout this(never had any girlfriend to prove it, anyway)
Attractive - I really dunno 'bout this, seriously...
Likes entertainment - Yes
Likes to travel to beautiful places - Yes
Usually dressed in casual n loose - Yes
Quite an excessive spender - Yes(especially when it comes to things or person that I like and love)
Would be very happy to have a female companion - Yes
Quite easy to fall in love - Maybe, it depends
Not really interested in a long-term relationship - No(a BIG NO!!!)
So, by combining both of the element's definitions...it's kinda like my overall personality. Although there are some things missing in it.
Somethings are better left as secrets...
p/s I put the picture for fun...and b'cuz its cute. Kinda like MiYaKe... Hehehe...
MiYaKe's Miracle...
Here's a few definition of a person who is born under the Scorpio sign (according to MiYaKe)...
Small built - Yes and No
Sharp and intense stare as if he can read minds - Yes
His emotion shows in the way he walks. Walks slowly when calm but somewhat the opposite if not - Big maybe
Easily offended but have the ability to hide it in plain sight - No and Yes
Willing to work for years just to achive sumthin' that he really wants. The same thing happens if he is holding a grudge to somebody. He will plan on how to get his revenge - Yes, I guess
Would be happy if he's in charge - Maybe
The dominant type in his relationship - Maybe
The reason that I put Yes, No and Maybe is because I'm born under that sign. However, I could also fall under the Saggitarius sign... So, I think it's safe to say that I can take both of their personality. Good and bad ones... Double the Trouble...
But, anyway...I'm still waiting for MiYaKe to give me the Saggitarius' definition...I was hoping that she would give it to me today, but she sent me Libra instead... Hmm...makes me wonder......
She told me that 'tokidoki' means sometimes. But can also be define as 'hoping for a miracle to 
happen somewhere in life itself'. Don't we all hope for the 'miracle' to happen...EVERYDAY!!!
And for the sake of miracles...the CJ7 alien is for MiYaKe... She loves the CJ7 alien n she have one... Hehehe...
I've just passed my ACE Test...and that is good(I guess...)
KaRmA 'n' ToKiDoKi
Have you ever heard of KARMA? Some of the explanation in Wikipedia is:
a) the effects of all deeds actively create past, present and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one's own life, and the pain and joy it brings to them and others
b) if one does good or spiritually valuable acts, one deserves and can expect good luck; conversely, if one does harmful things, one can expect bad luck or unfortunate happenings
c) all living creatures are responsible for their karma — their actions and the effects of their actions — and for their release from samsara
but it can be collectively interpreted as the cycle of life. Good things will happen to people who do good and vice versa...or sumthing like dat, right?
There's a guy inside my class currently who is older than I am...most probably older than most of the class' members. We're cool and we talked about many things... One of the topic was cars and money(obviously, men's favourite subject)... I told him the condition of my car(which is not that good due to the left break pads is completely out of order)... And he gave me some of his money to go and the damn thing fixed. I was really surprised 'cuz I'd never expect that to happen and I'd never had any intention at all to ask for his help. THIS GUY BARELY KNOWS ME!!! AND WE'VE ONLY BEEN IN THE CLASS FOR THE PAST FREAKIN' WEEK!!!
Somehow, this reminds me of the things that I've done before. Back when I was in training about a year ago in my previous company. I did the same thing to a guy,(which then becomes one of my best friends) when we was in training together. I gave him some of my money, just cuz he said that his in-laws are coming and he's broke at that time. And again, I ONLY GOT TO KNOW THIS GUY FOR ABOUT A WEEK(at that time)!!!
That just shows that karma actually does happen... Kinda creepy-ish mixed together with some 'thing' that is out of our limited way of thinking... Nice, huh?
I was told to search for tokidoki...and I got punk'd by her... Yes, I got to meet her earlier today during her dinner time. The last time I got to see her was about a week ago...and it was really good to see her again. I miss her and her perfume. I named her after her perfume...Hehehe. But by the way, the only thing I found out about tokidoki was it's some clothing line from japan or sumthin'...
I'm damn sleepy...... *YAWN*
Expecting? The unexpected, of course...
Hey, guess what? She called me today.... Hahahaha
After reading my what I've wrote in here, she called me up to say good nite, laugh at my English accent and to scold me about the blog. That was funny... I wasn't expecting the call, but I hoped for it (as usual)... She said that she doesn't know what to put inside the 'comment' thingy, so she just called me up to scold me...Hahaha... Kinda cute...
She laughed at my accent and purposely asked me to say something related to my ACE training in the so-called neutral slang... and she keeps teasing me about it.
She said that she was somewhat embarrassed by the way I described her in the blog. I told her not to worry because nobody except her have the address for the blog. Quite awkward, huh? Anyway, we laughed a lot while on the line and she said one of the reason she called is just to make me laugh and happy, because she said that she knows that I haven't laugh that much for quite sometime now...
After she said that, I felt a lil' bit creepy-ish. Normally I would be the one who did it and said those thing to other people. Actually, she took the words right out of my mouth. I was about to say the same thing to her. That just showed how much we know each other. Huhu...definately wasn't expecting that...
But I never lost hope... Dum Spiro Spero...