Hmmm...got into a fight wit my mum the other day. It was a misunderstandin'. Dun really wanna talk 'bout it...but I made her cried. And I cried too, a bit... Finally, after 15 years plus since the last time I cried... Never thought dat I would hurt the feelings of the person who patiently and excitedly carried me in her womb for 9 months. Never thought dat it took me to do dat to cry again... I felt sooo damn bad dat night... But, it's all good now... At least we understand each other better. The other bad thing is I know I made my dad cried too, several times over the course of my life... I always knew dat, and I did try to make it better him. I told you before dat I'm not perfect, rite...so please have a lil' patience for me...
For Mama n Baba...from me......
I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving
but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.
For the people out there...this is a rare occasion for you to have a glimpse of my 'other' side. Enjoy it, cuz you won't know when you'll get the opportunity to see it again... But always remember dat I'll do EVERYTHIN' for my parents. They are the best thing dat ever happenned to me...
a GLiMpSe Of Me...
HoNeSTy...yOu HaVe iT?
Let's play a game here......it's called 'Who Wants To Be A Superhero...'
On the other hand...boooorrrrrrrriiiiiiinnnnnnngggggggg...... They've already created a reality series for that...and it's the brainchild of Stan Lee. Dun know who Stan Lee is? Well, ever heard of The Incredible Hulk, The Fantastic Four...or Spiderman? He created all of them...and then some, which includes all the villains too.
"He gives without the thought of reward..." Qui-Gon Jinn... Have you ever wondered why Anakin was so pissed and why he became Darth Vader? Why he killed every Jedi in sight, why never cared 'bout anythin' else in this world except to eliminate all the Jedi in the known galaxy? It's because all this while...he's been giving without the thought of reward. That quote was spoken by Qui-Gon Jinn to Anakin's mother in Tattoine. Anakin helped the Jedis to get the parts they need to repair their ship, helped to defeat the Trade Federation and saves the day... And he became a Jedi after that... Soon, he with his Jedi Master, Obi Wan Kenobi and the other Jedis was goin' all over the galaxy to eliminate the Trade Federation's droid army... Later he was promoted to a Jedi Master himself and got his own apperentice. And he was secretly married to Senator Amidala. Everythin' was going well for him until...
He never asked for any rewards for any of the deeds that he did... but what did he get in return? His mother was killed by the Sand People... he was betrayed and manipulated by Senator Palpantine. The only time that he wished for a reward for all the thing dat he did, in the form of the well bein' of his wife...he was screwed...... He was lied to by Palpantine, The Emperor...the Sith Lord himself... For once, he wanted sumthin' for himself...and dat nearly killed him. He was bound in the life support suit forever... And since then...he is known as Darth Vader...the baddest Sith ever... And it all started cuz he juz wants sumthin' for himself...once in his lifetime......
I'm holdin' on to same code of ethics too. My parents have tought me well to never ask for anythin' in return for wutever things dat I do... They told me, dat wutever things dat I do...good or bad will have its own reward or punishment. If you dun get it now, you will soon...or you'll get it in the afterlife. They told me dat GOD is fair... be kind to people, and people will be kind to you. Be a bad guy, and people will be bad to you... Regardless...you will get wut's comin' to you......
The other things dat my parents tought me was...always be true to yourself & others and stand for wut is right... Never ever do anythin' wit any hidden agendas... Maybe others won't know your intention...but GOD knows...EVERYTHIN'... GOD know your deepest, darkest secrets dat you hide from others...and then some. If you know wut I mean... GOD knows the reasons of why you do the things dat you do...whether it's for the good or sumthin' else...
So, think deep...and think hard before you do anythin'... Think whether wutever dat you do... you do it because it's the right thing to do, or is it cuz you have sumthin' up your sleeves... Call me wutever you want... a son of a bitch, a bastard or wutever names and curses dat you can come up wit... I could care less 'bout it. At least I dun lie to myself...cuz lying to yourself is the worst thing dat you can do... It's like lying to GOD himself......
I help others cuz it's the right thing to do...not cuz of anythin' else... Somebody once told me... "Do the right thing at the right time...and do the things right..."
One more thing...Be honest to yourself... Cuz if you can't trust yourself, who else would do so...
Oh, yeah... wutever dat I wrote in here...it's from wutever dat I see in world today. But most importantly, it comes from the bottom of my heart. Always has and always will be... If anybody dun like it...well, you can always stop readin' and leave this page... Nobody forced to you to read it...
DeADMAN out...for now......
ALLAH IS WATCHIN'...ALWAYS......UNTIL THE END.
BiRTH-RiGhT iNsTiNcT
Why can't people juz live and let live!!! Could anybody let me live in peace for once and stop givin' me unnecessary headaches... Please understand that I have my own life to live here!!! Maybe not as good or as happennin' as some people......but at least...IT'S MY FReAKIN' LIFE!!! And please understand dat I have my own reasons for doin' the things I do. Its either I care 'bout you or I want you to learn from your GOD-given life... I dun simply do everythin' without knowing how and why I have to do it.
Stay inside tonite, vanish from my sight... You can't make it right...lost the final fight......
Restless tonite cuz I've wasted the light...Between both these times, I drew a really thin line. There's nothing I planned, and not that I can't...but you should be mine, across the line. I promise I might not walk on by...maybe next time but not this time. Even though I know,I don't wanna know. Yeah, I guess know,I just hate how it sounds.
If I traded it all, if I gave it all away for one thing...just for one thing. If I sorted it out, if I knew all about this one thing...Wouldn't that be something.
Yeah, dun we all wish dat we know 'bout 'dat' sumthin'...regardless of wut 'dat' is... Same wit me. Even when I'm not 100% earth-human...but still, I have a part of it in me... Maybe dat explains why my gut's instinct is strong(well, at least better than a normal human being)...especially when it comes to the people I care 'bout...
On another note, HaNie's birthday is tomorrow... 11th August to be exact. Happy Birthday my Miss Wutever...may you have a prosperous and a blessed life. You're one year older now...but you're still a lil' girl to me... Hehehe... Well normally when it's someone's birthday...I would just say "Congratulations...you're one year closer to death" but dats not good at all. It's fun though killing other people's joy... Hahahahaha...
Dun really have much to say nowadays... Maybe my brain is too tired to think...
DeADMAN out...
THe FaStInG aT HaNd
Tetibe aku terpikir pasal bulan Ramadhan a.k.a bulan puasa a.k.a bulan rahmat ALLAH tak lama lagi ni...(dalam sebulan lagi la lebih kurang) dan jugak bulan Syawal a.k.a bulan Hari Raya!!! Syukur, aku masih hidup untuk melalui lagi satu bulan Ramadhan, Insya Allah...dan harap-harap Insya Allah aku sempat sambut Hari Raya Aidilfitri... Dan aku jugak berharap untuk berjumpa lagi dengan satu lagi bulan Ramadhan tahun depan... Tapi buat masa sekarang ni, kite fokus dulu kat yang dekat-dekat ni...
Kalau ikut kalendar kuda (kalendar yang semua orang pun pakai, tak kire la korang kaya tahap mane sekalipun...tapi aku pakai kalendar Top Gear...ape kes?)Ramadhan akan start lebih kurang dalam 20 atau 21 Ogos ni... Hmmm...nak balik kampung ke tak? Last sekali aku balik pun ade la dalam bulan lepas...tu pun sebab ade kenduri untuk Allahyarhamah Tok aku... Kalau nak diikutkan...last sekali aku balik kampung masa Allahyarhamah Tok aku meninggal la... Bulan Jun tahun lepas. Aku tak nak panggil 'arwah' sebab 'arwah' tu ialah nama jin yang suka mengganggu budak kecik... Tok aku bukan jin...die orang... Kalau orang lain tu, aku tak tau la pulak, kan... Anywhuuu...back to our topic...Ramadhan......
Ramadhan ialah satu bulan yang dipenuhi dengan rahmat Allah SWT. Bulan turunnya Al-Quran kepada Nabi Muhammad SAW sebagai panduan untuk seluruh umat manusia. Bulan dimana pintu-pintu neraka akan ditutup dan pintu-pintu syurga dibuka seluas-luasnya. Para malaikat akan turun ke bumi dan menemani mereka-mereka yang membuat amal kebajikan. Hijab antara langit dan bumi akan dibuka untuk doa-doa para muslimin dan muslimat sampai kepada ALLAH tanpa apa-apa sekatan... Bulan dimana ALLAH akan mengampunkan dosa-dosa umat nya dan mengabulkan doa-doa mereka... Masjid akan meriah dengan para jemaah menunaikan sembahyang sunat Terawih selama 30 malam dan setiap satu malam mempunyai kelebihan yang tersendiri... Seronok sehhh... Tapi bebudak la seronok, tunggu time moreh...pastu kutip makanan. Tapi bukan bebudak je buat camtu...orang tua pun same gak. Sembahyang nye tidak...tetibe time moreh, ramai pulak...
Tapi malam yang paling ditunggu-tunggu oleh semua ialah Malam Lailatur-Qadar. Malam dimana seluruh para malaikat dari ketujuh-tujuh langit akan turun ke bumi dan memberkati orang-orang terpilih serta menerangi malam itu dengan 'nur' mereka. Malam dimana malaikat-malaikat sendiri akan berdoa untuk manusia dan membawa doa-doa manusia kepada ALLAH. Macam-macam yang aku pernah dengar pasal malam Lailatul-Qadar ni... Ade yang nampak pokok-pokok bersujud ke arah kiblat di Mekah, air berukar jadi ais, masjid tetiba ramai dengan orang yang penduduk kawasan tu sendiri tak pernah jumpa... Hehehe...Malaikat la tu, agaknya...
Puasa ialah menahan lapar dan dahaga serta perkara-perkara yang membatalkan puasa dari terbit fajar Saadiq hingga terbenam matahari. Puasa bukan sekadar mengajar manusia untuk tahan lapar, tetapi menguji kesabaran manusia dan mengingatkan mereka kepada orang-orang yang kurang bernasib baik... Bulan ni jugak macam-macam dugaan dan cubaan akan ALLAH turunkan untuk menguji manusia... Tapi kalau ade yang lemah semangat tu...nampak budak-budak minum air sirap pun boleh ke lauuut puasanya...memang 'out' la... Time ni la, ada je makhluk yang nak bagi kite naik hangin...seolah-olah mintak dibelasah sampai separuh mati menggunakan Hikmat Tapir Terulung Membelah Bumi!!! Hahaha... Tapi walau ape pun...kita kena belajar untuk bersabar kerana kesabaran tu akan dibalas dengan pahala yang berganda dari ALLAH.
Nikmat untuk orang-orang yang berpuasa ni ialah masa berbuka puasa... Itu ialah nikmat yang diberikan oleh ALLAH di dunia untuk mereka... Sebagai ucapan 'Tahniah' kerana telah berjaya mengharung satu hari yang penuh dengan dugaan dan cubaan. Time tu yang best... Tetibe je rasa air sirap tu ialah benda paling best dalam dunia ni...hehe... Lagi satu pulak...Pasar Ramadhan... Masa ni la korang akan nampak kuih-muih atau pun lauk-pauk yang tak kan ade time bulan tak puasa...tiap-tiap tahun pun camtu...tiap-tiap tahun, ade je kuih atau lauk baru... Semua pun nampak sedap...beli berbakul-bakul, tapi makan sikit je dah kenyang...pastu yang lain tu, kengkadang dibuang jek... Ha, tu pun dah lari dari konsep. Bulan puasa ni mengajar kesederhanaan dan tidak membazir...bukannya beli macam nak buat kenduri, tapi yang tukang makannye ade la 2-3 orang... Aku pulak, bile pegi pasar Ramadhan tu...pegi dengan tangan kosong, balik pun camtu gak... Aku tak tau nak beli hape. Sudahnya aku pegi 7 Eleven, beli air kotak ngan roti kaya... Tanya kengkawan aku kalau tak percaya... Aku 'fail' skit bab beli-beli kuih ni...maybe bukan 'fail' skit la tapi 'fail' banyak!!! Hahaha... Aku ni bukan manusia bumi, so pepaham la ek... Masa aku duduk ngan family aku dulu, bapak aku yang selalu pegi pasar ngan mak atau adik-adik aku...aku jarang ikut...so aku tak tau nak beli ape la... Biasanya aku akan tolong mak aku siapkan table pastu hidang kuih or lauk sebelum time berbuka... Hey, I spend more time wit my mum in the kitchen than my other family member...sebab tu tu mak aku sayang lebih kat aku!!! Dan sebab tu jugak la aku agak pandai memasak...hehe...
Aku pernah la merasa berbuka ngan air sejuk je...atau pun ngan rokok semata-mata... Harap-harap tahun ni takde la camtu. Insya Allah... Masa tu memang aku takde duit sungguh. Rokok tu pun aku beli 2 hari sebelum tu...air sejuk tu pun nasib baik je, sebab ade la air botol aku kat umah tu... Hari tu, aku sahur ngan air botol tu jugak la... Macam bapak aku, kengkadang aku dah terbiasa sahur hanya sekadar ngan air sejuk...so tak kisah la... Heh, memories...
Macam-macam kelebihan dalam bulan ni...terpulang pada korang samada nak rebut peluang atau tak... Aku akan cuba sebaik mungkin untuk dapatkan keberkatan sebanyak mungkin... Ye la...mana tau aku tak sempat nak jumpa bulan Ramadhan lagi sekali tahun depan... Cuma yang aku sedih skit ialah bile kebanyakkan orang sekarang ni cuma buat amal kebajikan time bulan puasa jek... Time ni la diorang nak sembahyang ke, hape ke... Kebanyakkan mereka seolah-olah menggunakan bulan ni untuk cover balik untuk 11 bulan yang lepas punya perangai... Dalam bulan ni je la yang diorang stop pegi clubbin', minum arak atau pun ape-ape yang sewaktu dengannya. Habis je puasa...belasah balik... Ni mana punya mazhab yang diorang ikut ni... Lantak korang la... Nanti kalau aku cakap lagi kang, korang kata aku busybody...kubur lain-lain...bla bla bla... Lantak korang la...masing-masing ada otak, kan...
So, wit dat bein' said...it's juz 'bout another month to go (well...less than a month actually...) for us to start to learn how to control ourself from doin' sumthin' very stupid dat would jeopardize your fast... And 'bout another month for us to learn to be a better person than we are right now... Wutcha waitin' for? Start NOW!!!
HaLL-AiM a.k.a DeADMAN a.k.a GaBaNz out...for now......
WeRK N ToYs!!!
I juz wanna say... Finally, I'm gettin' busy...wit a whole lot of workloads. GOOD... Hahaha
So, I might not be able to update dis blog as often as I want it... Ah, who cares...it's not like the all people 'round the world is readin' wutever dat I wrote in here... THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND ME...OR YOU!!! Dun think dat wutever dat I've wrote in here is 'bout you. It's not 'bout anybody...but it's 'bout everybody dat is alive at dis moment... GET IT!!! I may not have a lot of frenz...but I do know a lot of people... Go figure...
Went out wit SiTa dis past week...and took eZaNe out to ToYs R' uS... It should've been the week before dat...but after wut happened to baby eRiN, we postphoned it to dis past week. Yeay, finally got a chance to use my ToYs R' uS card for the toys...hahaha. Yeah, I do have the ToYs R' uS Star Card...so wut!?!?! Jealous?! Go fuck yourself, ok... Anywhuuu...we bought eZaNe AuToBoT ChRoMiA and DeCePtIcOn RaVaGe. And I found out dat RaVaGe is kinda cool...one of the best toys dat have dis movie-accurate design... Faithful to it's CGi design. Definately in my 'To Buy' list at the end of the month. Hehehe. I'm not gonna buy Optimus Prime, yet...I'll wait for 'Buster Optimus Prime'. The current Leader Class Optimus Prime is good, but with the blade concealed...hands and arms movements are a bit resricted. Also need to buy Human Alliance BumbleBee, Human Alliance SideSwipe, Ironhide, Ratchet, Skids and Mudflap (the twins), Arcee twins and maybe...Constructicons......
I should have the complete set maybe before Hari Raya...which got me wondering...should I buy a new baju raya or juz stick to last year's Baju Melayu and jeans... Hmmmm... Actually, I couldn't even remember when wuz the last time I bought a Baju Melayu for Hari Raya. I've been using the same 2 Baju Melayu for the past 5 years or so... My mum have been buggin' me to get a new one for a long time... Uh, well...we'll see... I'm thinkin' 'bout doin' sumthin' different this Hari Raya..but, again...we'll see......
ShAhRiL is finally back from Labuan...and SiTa is freakishly happy. She couldn't stop smiling since we got the news a couple of days ago... We picked him up at KLIA yeaterday and took him to see his kids...he's happy too... It's understandable. They haven't seen him for 2 months...and they dun know when he's goin' away again or when he'll be back... I can't really say dat I fully understand how it feel to not see your loved ones for a long period of time. I do know how it feels but not entirely... Well, have been there and done dat...in my own way......
My rotational shift starts this week... The first one starts at 8.30 am and the next one starts at 11.30 am. No issue there...I've been in the graveyard shift before, so...again......no issue. Well, at least I get the chance to wake up a lil' bit late than usual... Finally got my salary a couple of days ago...and paid the overdued house-rent and for the car. And I have 'bout 100 bucks left for me...for the rest of the month. Looks like I'm gonna have to survive by juz eatin' biscuits... Hehehe... I've survived once...why can't I do it again. KaRmA at work, I guess...