Sumtimes I feel like its hard being Me. "Why?" you might ask... Well, walkin' on the very thin line between everythin' dat is good and bad will make you lose most of the things dat you have in your life.
Then, people might ask 'How would you lose the things you said you lost?'... Hmmmm...how should I put this... By walkin' that thin line, you have to be on one side...which is your own. You need to be neutral and diplomatic at all times regardless the reason or circumstances. And by doin' dat, most of the people out there would think that you are useless and selfish. Some of them might even dare to say that you are just plain stupid.
To me...anybody who say things like dat to me, I would consider them as sumbody who doesn't really know me. They don't know why I do the things I do... The reason I do wut I do I cuz I think 'bout people more than I think 'bout myself. Some of the people who really knows me would tell me that - that would be good thing to do...dependin' on the circumstances. It's not always good to keep doin' dat cuz it will hurt me in a way dat I could suffer greatly.
See, people who know me could always give me pros and cons of the situation dat I'm in. They understand me well enuff trust me and my judgement... Dat is also one of the reason for me to only have a small group of frenz at any moment given. And for the past couple of years, some of them have remained in the same circle.
Diplomatic and neutrality is 2 of the ways dat I always use in most of the situations. And again, this dun go really well with others. I can't blame them for dat... The way I look at it is kinda like this...lets take the animal as an example, shall we... The animals born in the wild is more cautious to approach a human being rather than the animals bred in captivity where they have been interacting with human being most of their lives. The same applies to people. It takes time for them to look at the world the way I do. I can't be biased and choose to like one more than the other. The best way is to step back a lil' bit and take a look at the big picture.
And most of the time, due to my neutrality...I would just fuck people off. I dun give a shit if you are my frenz or not. If you made a mistake, be a man and have the balls to admit it. The same applies for girls/women... Regardless whether you are my frenz or not, if you are wrong, you're wrong. I won't back your ass up juz cuz you're a fren, ok...
Plain 'n' Simple...
Approaching the situation wit patience and relying on rationality rather than emotions could make a big difference on the outcome of things... Same goes for thinking outside the box and being a positive thinker...unlike some people... Doin' all of this over the years have made me realize who to trust and which of them is my real true frenz... Throw me in a battle, there's nobody else dat I rather want to be with other than ZuL, ChaCk and RiZaL. All of them is like the big brothers dat I never had... And it's not easy to to earn my trust, honor and respect unless you really deserve it... They've put their lives on the line for me, and I'll do the same for them at any given moment.
A toast to 'THe DRAGONHeARTs'...
DiPLoMaCy 'n' NeUTRALiTy -vs- HyPoCrISy 'n' IdIoCrAsY
InStInCt @ WeRK?!?! MaYBe...
Hey, guess wut... I got the job. Wait...I think I've said dat before. Ah, wut the hell...I'll say it again... I got the FReAKIN' job!!! I'm quittin' soon. I dun FuCk care anymore. It's time for me to grab life by the balls!!!
After almost a year with my long hair, I've finally cut it about a week ago. Dat was only cuz I need to go to the interview. If it wasn't for dat...I won't cut it for at least another 6 months. Hehehe... Most of my frenz were shocked and laughed. Well some of 'em said that it looks better than it was before. A lil' bit matured look for me. Hey, wutever guys... Its 'bout time anyway......
Went for a 'makan-makan' wit my frenz this past week. They took me to some seafood/steamboat restaurant in Sunway. Well, I dun really eat or like seafood anyway, but hey... its ok. I enjoyed it but ZuLee was annoyed when I only ate a lil' portion of the foods... Hehehe...too bad... I dun know how to eat 'em...sorry. Yeah, ok... I know people always said dat juz open up your mouth and swallow it down... It's not as easy as it looks, ok...Then, we all went to 'Downtown'... There was a couple of guys playing guitars, entertainin' the people. Damn, they're good. Made my hands itchin' to jam again... I need my guitar...badly......
HaNiE is currently down with a fever. I text'd her last night. She then told me 'bout it. No wonder I can't get my mind off her this past few days... Hmmm...its the crazy DeADMAN instinct at work, again. Mizz her... The last time dat I met her was about 7-8 months ago... If she's well enuff, I might ask her out later this week... Dat would also depends on whether she's gonna sleep all day long like she always do. Hehehe...
Should have told you by now
But I can't find the words
If I could show you somehow
But I don't have the nerve
You don't see me looking at you
How can love be so blind
Somehow you dont notice me
Sooner or later there will come a time
If you need somebody
The way that I need you
If you needed somebody
The way that I want you
If I could hold you tonight
It would last me forever
But the times never right
When will we be together
If I could make you understand
What youre doing to me
Maybe there wil come a time
Sooner or later I will make you see
Oh, If I could tell you now
The way you make me feel
Oh, If I could show you somehow
Don't you know my love is so real
If you need somebody
The way that I need you
If you needed somebody
The way that I want you
The lyrics from Bad Company's If You Needed Somebody. 80's rock ballads, one of the best. One of the songs the guys performed at 'Downtown'. We all watched in amazement, not moving an inch...
This song reflects on our life...one way or another... I know dat it reflects mine...
DReAMIN' n CHaSiN' iT tO LIVe iT...
I saw her again in my dream last 2 nights. Her hair's different. As if she highlighted it... Looks nice on her... Normally people would say dat, if you were to meet a person which you really wanna see in your dreams...it means dat they are missin' you too...or at least they would be thinkin' 'bout you too. Hmmm...could it be? I dun forget people...but people would forget me...easily.
A lot of things happened in this past week. I got my pay, settled all my debts, got an offer for a job from my frenz and the usual 'lack of sleep' thingy. My sis is lookin' for a job now...I told her to go to my previous office. She's gonna learn a lot of new things there, but I told her not to ever mention me. Not to even write my name in the application form. I have my own reason for doin' so...
I received a call from my dad last night. He was literally screamin' at my ears for my decision to quit my current job and look for another one. Well...actually I already have another job waitin' for me...and I've accepted their offer. Unknown to others, I've sent the resignation letter and from the looks of it...I know dat I have abso-fuckin'-lutely no freakin' mood to come to work anymore. Hey, workin' odd hour shift for the past couple of years is not doin' me any good, ok...
The last person you would expect to slam me right in the face on the decision I've made would be my Dad...but......he would be the first to do so. I really can't understand on why he has no faith in wut I do or on the decision I make. Even outsiders have more faith in me than my Dad. And I juz can't understand why is it so hard for people to listen and believe wut I told them...
I was tryin' very hard to maintain my composure when I got the call from my Dad. I was hopin' he would say that if I think wut I'm doin' is right, go for it...but hey, we can only hope... And I'm not afraid to say dat it's hope dat made me keep movin' on wit my life and to chase and live my dreamz...
I did sumthin' I haven't done for quite a while... Up to today, only a handful of people has seen me... So, I would expect them to be surprised to see me later.
But, anyway... dat's all for now. I wanna go and heal my wound...so I can live and fight for another day.
I haven't failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. But I believe in KaRmA......
How could he know
This new dawn's light
Would change his life forever?
Set sail to sea
But pulled off course
By the light of golden treasure
Was he the one causing pain
With his careless dreaming?
Been afraid
Always afraid
Of the things he's feeling
He could just be gone
He would just sail on
He'll just sail on
How can I be lost,
If I've got nowhere to go?
Search for seas of gold
How come it's got so cold?
How can I be lost?
In remembrance I relive
And how can I blame you
When it's me I can't forgive?
These days drift on
Inside a fog
It's thick and suffocating
His sinking life
Outside it's hell
Inside, intoxication
He's run aground
Like his life
Water much too shallow
Slipping fast
Down with his ship
Fading in the shadows
Now a castaway
They've all gone away
They've gone away
Forgive me
Forgive me not
Forgive me
Forgive me not
Forgive me
Forgive me not
Forgive me
Forgive me
Why can't I forgive me?
UnfOrGiVeN III