St. ANGeR 'n' THe PuRsUiT of HAPPINeSS

It is said that it's nothing better than to start your day with a 'bang'...so, here goes... 'BANG'!!!

The weekend didn't go well at all...let me see...where should I start... Somebody asked me not to look for her...my mom got admitted to the hospital...and my knuckles, biceps and triceps hurts(due to the punching that I've been doing on my door...good enuff that my fist didn't bled, 'cuz it did back then...)

So, that was it...when I thought it couldn't get worst, guess what...IT DID!!! Some guy (I know who...) sends me a message and sort of trying to get on my nerve and pisses me off... It nearly worked until I saw my door and started punching it really hard with my bare fists... Punching doors(wooden doors) or walls is how I let my anger and frustrations out...but I've stopped doing that for quite sometime, now...but I'm doin' it again... I used to punched until my fists was bleeding. I actually punched the doors and walls until the skin of my knuckles tore off, that's why it was bleeding and I just leave it like that...didn't even bother to wipe the blood off... My biceps and triceps hurts 'cuz of the constant arm stretching when punching the door...haven't done that for a while, ya' know...that's why it hurts... Go figure...

Do you know that it takes 17 muscles to smile --- 43 to frown(to show displeasure with or disapproval of especially by facial expression)...and I haven't been smiling that much for the past 1 week...there's so many things inside my head and I've been thinking too much lately...

ST ANGER 'ROUND MY NECK, HE NEVER GETS RESPECT...FUCK IT ALL, FUCKIN' NO REGRETS... I HIT THE LIGHTS ON THIS DARK SET, I NEED A VOICE TO LET MYSELF GO FREE... I HIT THE LIGHTS ON THIS DARK SETS, I'LL HANG MYSELF... ST ANGER 'ROUND MY NECK... I FEEL MY WORLD SHAKE, LIKE AN EARTHQUAKE... IT'S HARD TO SEE CLEAR, IT IT ME? IS IT FEAR?

And I want my anger to be healthy...And I want my anger just for me...And I need my anger not to control...And I want my anger to be me...And I need to set my anger free...SET IT FREE!!!

MiYaKe...if you're reading this... Please be assured that I'm not angry or mad at you. I'm mad and angry at myself and the things that I've done... I understand that you need your time alone and to clear some things up and I ReSPeCT your request to me for not to look for you for the time being... This is maybe the only way that I can reach you now(that is only if you are opening and reading my blog)... When it's all said and done...you know where and how to get me(just like I always said to you). You can count on me if you need my help... Remember what we promised each other? And you know that I'll always do whatever I said I'll do... I never break any of my promises and I don't wanna start now...not ever...

I wasn't 'that' surprise when I received your message the other day...I knew it was comin'...sooner or later... I've been wronged, I've been dump into the bottom of every bottom...It did hurt, but I've learned a lot of things inside my life and having a high threshold of pain is one of it... So, I think...I'll manage...

Here I go now, into the days. Ain't no mercy there for me. And I went on down that road. I'm pain, I'm hope, I'm suffering... Do you bury me when I'm gone? Do you teach me while I'm here? Just as soon as I belong, then it's time I disappear...but I hope it wouldn't be that long......