SeRIeS of UNFORTUNATe eVeNTS

I lie awake on a long dark night...can't seem to tame my mind. Slings and arrows are killing me inside, maybe I can't accept the life dats mine. The sun shines and I can't avoid the light...I think I'm holding on to life too tight... Ashes to ashes and dust to dust... Sometimes I feel like giving up.

Me...I'm rusted and weathered...barely holding together and I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal. Wake in a sweat again...another day's been laid to waste in my disgrace. Stuck in my head again...feels like I'll never leave this place... There's no escape.

I'm my own worst enemy... I don't know what to take. Thought I was focused but I'm scared...I'm not prepared. I hyperventalate...looking for help somehow somewhere... And no one cares...

I've given up...I'm sick of feeling... Is there nothing you can say? Take this all away, I'msuffocating!!! Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me!

I can't scream to let it out...

Hmmm... Let me see...I was disappointed, my grandma is very...very sick and I'm 'bout to lose my job in a couple of months... Nice, huh? I juz got a sms from my cousin sayin' dat my grandma is critical...

'bout a week ago, I smashed my door with my bare fists. Nearly fractured my hands but, hey...I'm so used to it...

Believe it or not, I wrote those things up there nearly a weeks ago... Well, 5 days ago to be exact...

And, today is the 12th of July 2008... On the 6th of July, it was MiYaKe's engagement day. I was not able to go 'cuz I need to see my grandma...she was very sick. To tell the truth, I was happy and frustrated a the same time. Happy 'cuz MiYaKe is engaged with with someone she loved and frustrated 'cuz it wasn't Me... Happy 'cuz I got to see my grandma again but frustrated for the state dat she is in...not well at all...

'bout a few days before dat, I learned dat the project in which I'm working for rite now is gonna be shut down. Its juz a business decision. And I got 'bout a month left here... Hmmm...juz when I thought dat I would be stable enuff to do the things dat I need to do...

But then again...dats life. You fall down somewhere in between and you just have to pick yourself up and start again...

Just when I thought dat it couldn't get any worst, I got an sms tellin' me dat my granda has passed away...