HONeSTY 'N' eXHaUSTIoN

Feels like the old days...Me, alone...broke...and putting others before me...as usual...... Well, unfortunately the last part is a habit of mine dat sumtimes...comes back and open up a can of whoop-ass on me. To sum it up, lets juz say dat I might be comin' to work, walkin'... I've walked back home so, walkin' to the office wouldn't be a problem...I think...

I'm sick...sick of people dat write cheques their mouth can't cash...sick of impostors and pretenders...sick of liars, sick of it all. Maybe they are the reason why GOD created the MIDDLe FINGeR!!! I dun even know wut to write here... I think dat I'm back at the lowest point in my life. Well, maybe it's cuz I'm broke, again...and I'm damn pissed.

Off all the things dat I hate, liars is probably on top of the list. I juz dun understand why people would lie... Is it so hard to juz tell the truth? Is it so hard to be a man or a woman and be honest. Two lies won't make a right. IS IT SO FUCKIN' HARD? IT COULDN'T BE AS HARD AS YOUR OWN FUCKIN' DICK, IF YOU HAVE ONE, ANYWAY!!! COME TO THINK' BOUT IT, YOU WOULDN'T KNOW CUZ IF YOU HAVE A FUCKIN' COCK, YOU WOULDN'T LIE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! DO YOU WANT SUMBODY TO SHOVE YOUR HEAD UP YOUR ASS AND THEN THINK 'BOUT BEING FUCKIN' HONEST?!?! Seriously I'm not the type of person who would be easily pissed off. BUt I'm the type dat would accumulate all my hatred, my anger, my dissatisfaction and keep it in myself and then I'll explode. Juz pray dat you're not gonna be anywhere near me at dat time cuz it's gonna be bad. I'm literally a walkin' time-bomb.

In another topic, I need to do sumthin' 'bout my presentation. Gotta start doin' sumthin' dat I've been doin' before dis in my previous presentation...BEIN' MY-FREAKIN'-SELF. Even RiZaL and YaNa was wonderin' wut the hell happened to me when I'm givin' the presentation to the people the other day. One day I was OK and the next was so damn borin' dat even I hated myself for it. RiZaL told me dat I might not be a 'GReAT' trainer but nevertheless, I was damn 'eFFeCTIVe' up to a point dat even he was confused why there was a writing on the whiteboard inside the Training Room dat says 'WE LOVE HALL-AIM' when both of us was in our previous company.

Hey, I might be a failure, a great disappointment and a bad role model in the eyes of others...but I'm sure as hell know dat everybody have their own strength and weaknesses and I'm doin' all I can to improve on dat. Well maybe sum people might not be able to see dat, but anyway...as long as I'm being honest to myself, it's good enuff for me. Like a wiseman once said 'KEJUJURAN PADA DIRI SENDIRI UNTUK APA DIPERSEMBAHKAN KEPADA MEREKA YANG TAK PUNYA PERASAAN. KITA ADA NILAI TERSENDIRI. BIARKAN MEREKA YANG TERSASUL, BERKATA EGO MENEPUK DADA. SEMANGAT DISIMPAN SELAGI ADA KESEMPATAN HIDUP BERSAMA. APALAH ADA PADA KEINDAHAN JIKA JIWA KITA MERONTA-RONTA...' Sum people might recognize those words...good for you.

I think it's 'bout time for me to take a vacation. Oddly enuff, ZuLee and WaN was thinkin' the same thing too. All I can say is all 3 of us is extremely tired. The last time I took a vacation was 'bout a year ago. Normally it should be twice a year. I'm still wonderin' where to go, though. I have no idea for the time being. I've always imagined dat I could find a place, or a cliff with the ocean underneath it, and I could see the ocean as far out as I can. I'll stand on top of the cliff and scream my lungs out. Dat would be very, very relievin'... Well, I won't shout the corny movie lines like, 'I'm the king of the world' or 'I love you' or wutever. I'll shout, 'Stick it up your ass-full-of-shit, you crazy cocksuckin', cunt eatin', tit lickin', ass kissin', piss drinkin' motherfuckers.' Hahaha...dat would be fun...... Hey, I've juz used the 7 words dat you can't say on TV. Cool...